i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
