Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
