Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
