The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
