I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
