so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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