just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
