Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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