I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
they're like a gay fantastic four
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
