I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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