It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
