your thong is hanging out like whoa
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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