paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
