Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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