My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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