I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just google imaged poop.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
