This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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