I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize