ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
