When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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