Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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