just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
