every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
how does that bad decision feel?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
