Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
if only i could text you this smell
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
