Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
