Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
