guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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