DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
