One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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