I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
