oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.