Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?