I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.