Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.