I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
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Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
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I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.