i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
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Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
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FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.