All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
