She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
