i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
