I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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