I can tuck mytits in my pants
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
All the doctor said was why
Randomize