Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
