im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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