We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
