i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
