Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
