Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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