OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
