She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize