You made me cry and you don't even care
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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