dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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