Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
