So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
