he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
