Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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