I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
