woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
