He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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