I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
