Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
