hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
