He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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