we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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