Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
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