Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
