i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
