hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
