You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
