Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
