I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
