i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
