Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
